The One With The One
by yetti
Summary: WARNING: Excellent story, but sad start. Chandler is dead? Pheobe is pregnant? Ross... SWORE!
1. Prolouge

**Prolouge - This is a clear sign of my obsession with Friends. Please read, like and review.**

"I can't believe you!" From across the hall, Monica screamed.

Joey sat in his giant chair, almost angry. They'd been fighting for at least a month. Ever since Chandler was killed in the accident, Monica hadn't really been the same, and when she caught Ross and Rachel sleeping together on the couch, she'd flipped out.

"I can't believe you!" she repeated, this time louder, "And, any way, he had no reason to sleep with you… he doesn't even love you any more. Quite rightly!"

Joey gasped, and stormed into the apartment that was opposite his.

"Okay," he shouted, "You have to stop it!"

The women turned to him, shocked, but scarily angry. Joey almost wanted to run away, but he stood his ground.

He continued, "You made me spill my beer with all your…" He waved his hand about while looking for a smart enough word, "… racket."

Monica and Rachel looked at each other. Tears welled in their eyes. Although the death had hit Monica harder, Rachel was just as traumatised by the effect it had on her. The friendship had been lying on thin ice, and when Rachel slept with Ross, that was the end.

Neither of them knew why it was such a bad thing, but Monica was deeply hurt by it. Joey's 'thought-provoking' words had thrown everything back into perspective.

"I love you, babe," Monica blurted out.

"You too," Rachel quickly replied, and they jumped into a hug.

Joey shook his head, "With all these mood swings you're going through, you could almost be pregnant."

And with that quick word, he scooted out of there before they had a chance to change their minds and throw something at him. The two friends looked at each other.

* * *

Phoebe groaned. Being pregnant was horrible. The first time she had gone through it, she had ended up with stretch marks, and no baby.

This time was different… they were actually hers.

"Mike!" she yelled out of the bathroom.

A whimper came from the other room as a young, but very tired man stumbled over and poked his head around the door.

"Yes, dear?" He asked hopefully, already knowing what she was going to say.

"I need a little bit of help."

* * *

The bright lights burnt through his eyelids into his sensitive eyes. It was morning, meaning another hard day at the ranch. Chandler raised his weary head from the bed of hay and rolled over so that he fell onto the wooden floor, his blankets falling off of him.

"Oooh, you flashing me, eye candy?" A voice piped up from the barn's doorway.

Immediately awake, he grabbed the sheets and wrapped them around himself to cover up his naked body.

He shook his head to get rid of the sleep, and remembered something.

He turned to the girl in the doorway. "Who undressed me?"

* * *

Ross swung Emma to his hip, grabbing Ben by the collar of his shirt.

"Hold it right there, mister, or I'll put some of my Karaté on you!"

Ben stopped and turned around. He raised his eyebrows, poised in a fighting position, and twitched his fingers to signal, basically, 'bring it on'.

Ross blinked, and Ben jumped back round and continued running off.

"Little shit!"

Ben grinded to a halt, and span around with his mouth wide open. He pointed; shocked his father would say such a word.

"You," Ben said finally," said a bad word!"

Ross, annoyed, said, "Oh, crap."

Ben eyes widened further.

"Oh, get used to it… you're eleven, for God's sake." Walking away with Emma still on his hip, Ben snuck up to him, once again, and poked him in the middle of his back.

Desperately, Ross reached behind his back to attempt to rub it better, spinning in circles. Halfway through this, he stopped and pointed at Ben.

"You, young man, are dead."

**I really love this story, so I hope you review! I even made my friends laugh... normally they just tell me how bad it is. Sob.**

**Please REVIEW!!!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 - I bet you're all chuffed that Chandler isn't dead... read on to find out more.**

Chandler wiped away the beads of sweat condensing on his forehead, attempting to look cool, but failed dreadfully.

A man wearing little more than dungarees sauntered over, his jaw jumping up and down as he chewed tobacco. For a short while, he stood watching Chandler dig, but got fed up and threw a stone at him.

"Oh, come on!" Chandler yelled, tossing the shovel aside. "All you have done is bully me. You throw things at me, you force me to do everything for you, and you threaten me! And, to add to that, you tell me I have to do it without complaint, but no more!" He paused, slightly unsure, "What have you got in your ha…"

The man pulled out a gun and fired wildly, three times, at Chandler, who fell to the floor.

* * *

Phoebe awoke wet. He legs were soaked, her thighs especially, and even parts of her arm. She felt down to her waist and patted her expanding belly, gently stroking her husband.

Mike, who was lying next to her, opened one eye and mumbled, "Why am I wet?"

For a moment, the pair of them lay there, oblivious to what was happening, then both simultaneously sat up, wide awake.

"Get the bag… where's the keys?.. Come on!" Yells filled the small apartment as they rushed around, grabbing everything they needed.

Mike ran out the door, slammed it behind him, then rushed back in. He'd forgotten Phoebe; the most important part of having a baby… the mother.

"I should think so." Phoebe said as Mike wandered back in casually.

* * *

The hug lasted a while.

"I just can't believe he's gone." Monica struggled to keep back the tears, knowing what would happen if she soaked Rachel's top.

"It's o.k., honey, just let it all out." Rachel muttered down her ear.

Joey pushed open the door to see the pair rocking each other slowly. He giggled, thinking about what the two girls would be like together. He'd taken the death of Chandler quite well, and kept on insisting that he wasn't dead. In a way, the rest of the group envied him. His life was still full of laughs and fun, meaning he was happy.

The women turned around and raised their eyebrows, surprised his mind still worked that way. They made angry faces him and screwed up their faces with tears in the corner of their eyes. Joey shook his head and walked over to them, joining in with their hug.

"He's not gone, and even if he were, he wouldn't want this..." Joey was still adament he was alive.

"Stop saying he's alive, Joey, you need to it go!" Now that she'd made up with Rachel, Monica needed someone to lash out at, "It makes it harder for all of us if you don't."

Joey stood up, standing back from them, "And you can't give up on him. He's not dead," he pointed to his head, "I have, like, this sixth sense. Also, I just... know."

"Oh... well in that case..." Rachel's sarcasm rang through his voice.

* * *

Ross suddenly woke up to a small face bouncing in front of him. At first, he didn't react, but once he realised it wasn't Ben... or Emma, he started to worry.

"Hi." The strange child nodded at him.

Ben popped up beside him, as he stood to find out who this small girl was. She looked about eleven years old, with curly blonde hair and blue eyes. At any other age, Ross might have started to hit on her, but he figured he'd better not.

After a cough, he spoke to her, "Um, who the hell are you."

She smiled, shy.

"She's my girlfriend, Sandy." Ben grinned.

"And... why is she here?"

"I'm sorry, but I wanted a kiss." She had a sweet, kind voice.

"Argh... O.K., then, sweetie. Go on, give him a kiss." Ross nodded towards Ben and smiled gently.

Ben smirked as Sandy lent in towards him, but his facial expression quickly changed as she moved her hand up to the side of his face and lashed out. He staggered away from the slap.

"What was that for?" Ben questioned, still shocked and in pain.

"You kissed Sally 'Giggles'!" She said as she prepared to give him one more slap, then strom off.

"But..." Ben backed off as she raised her hand once more, "Wait! Wait! Wait!"

"Oh?" Sandy dropped her dangerous hand to her hip and waited.

"You said," Ben replied, "We were on a break!"

**A chip off the old block, eh. Please Review... it makes me happy.**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - It gets better, and also, sorry about the bad title, but all is to be explained here.**

Chandler opened an eye. Was he dead? Thinking back, he remembered the three shots being fired at him.

After that there hadn't been anything, except what he was feeling now… maybe he had survived.

"No, you're not dead," a voice answered his question, "But, that might change, if you don't follow these instructions."

Chandler's second eye opened as the first had; slowly and awkwardly. The man, who Chandler still didn't know the name of (though he'd nicknamed him 'Rusty'), pulled out his gun once more.

"You see, I'm serious, so let's get down t'ut business." He nodded out the cloudy window to the woman, then said, "You is betrothed to me cousin, remember?"

Chandler's mouth now accompanied his eyes in opening.

"What? I'm engaged to her!" He shook his head, "I can't: I'm already married!"

"Ch'a, like that will change Pa's mind. He wants Mary-Angela married of as soon as possible. Anyway, you will marry 'er? There's something in it for you…" He claimed.

"A jail sentence?" Chandler suggested.

* * *

Ross grabbed at the pair of squabbling children and shook his head. All he could think of was how much he missed Rachel, after seeing Ben's remark. It seemed so childish now that he'd said it, but Ross had barely any time to ponder over it. A small fist was thrown at his chest… that Sandy was feisty. 

"Alright, that's enough." Ross glared at the girl, and then turned to Ben. He whispered, "You liked her?"

Ben shrugged his shoulders, "She's hot."

Ross rolled his eyes. If he wasn't careful his son would end up like him.

Thinking aloud, Ross blurted out, "Oh, god, you're gonna get divorced!"

There wasn't much else to say, so when Sandy let out another punch, Ross used it as an excuse to get rid of her.

Once she had left, Ben looked at his father. "So, what do you think?"

* * *

Joey put his arm around the girl. It had been three months, and he felt himself go warm whenever he saw her. 

Before this, he'd only felt like this once… with Rachel. It may even be love. Granted, she wasn't the prettiest person he'd ever met, but she was the funniest (apart from Chandler), the smartest (apart from Ross) and the coolest (apart from himself). She was also very feminine (not as much as Rachel), neat and tidy (not as much as Monica), and quite tough (not as much as Phoebe). So, to sum up, she wasn't as good, or bad, as his friends and himself... but the group was extreme anyway. Her name was Kayte.

"Honey, would you get me a beer?" Kayte asked.

Joey grinned, "How great are you?!"

"Fab, babe..." she paused, "Beer?"

Joey stood up, "Oh, right."

He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a two 'alcholic beverages' for his girlfriend and himself. She smiled as he passed it to her, and popped of the top.

"Um, sweetie?" A voice came from the door.

Joey looked round as Monica entered her flat, "How did you get in here?"

Kayte raised a hand. "I can answer that. You should really put more locks on that door..."

"So you broke in?" Monica questioned, and Kayte nodded back.

Monica looked round.

"Wait a minute, did you clean?" Monica's eyebrows raised high enough to cover the now petruding 'Vein'.

"Uh, yeah..." Kayte continued, "Is that okay?"

"Okay? That's great." Monica circled the flat, astonished at how tidy it was, "I've been meaning to do it for weeks, but since Chandler... you know, it lost all it's appeal."

Kayte pursed her lips as Joey leant over to kiss her, and then waved to him as he left. She smiled, and as Monica came over to sit down, she bit her lip.

"Has Joey said anything about me?" Kayte asked, after a long period of silence.

"Why do you ask?" Monica replied.

"Well, I..." she stuttered for a while, "I think I'm falling in love with him."

Monica jumped up, "That's fantastic... oh," she sat back down with the excitement, "Please get married!"

Kayte gawped, then let out her true feelings and grinned, "I so want to!"

Monica was about to continue yelling in her excited manner, but Joey came back in carrying something and she stopped, her mouth still open.

His face was white.

"Um," his voice was dry and croaky, "Did I hear you talk about marriage?"

Monica blurted out, "We want you two to get married and have a big white wedding," but seeing the look on Kayte's face, she quickly stated, "I mean, no."

"Good," his expression changed, "Cause that way I can give you this." He knealt down on one knee and produced a ring.

Monica stood up and posed, ready to celebrate. Joey gave her a stern look, and she relaxed and walked out, looking down.

"So," Joey asked once more, "What do ya' say? Will you marry me?"

Phoebe tapped her fingers, and looked around. The doctor had been away with Mike for a long time, and she was starting to get urges... to steal. There was a beautiful womb model, with a foetus attatched. She wanted nothing more than to stuff it under her paper nightie and run out.

She lunged out for it, but halfway through decided against it and knocked it onto the floor. Desperately, she tried to reach it to pick it back up, but the bulge in front of her was in the way.

Annoyed, she yelled, "You'd better be worth it at her stomach," and pushed herself slowly up.

Realising she had nothing to cover her naked back, she edged towards the knocked over model, and placed it back on it's proud perch. Suddenly, the doctor and Mike returned and she stood, nailed to the spot.

"Phoebe?" Mike's tone asked her why she was out of bed.

"Mrs. Hannigan, please sit back down." The doctor motioned to the bed.

Phoebe stood there for a moment, and he repeated his last order.

"I kinda can't," she explained, "I've got a comando situation going on over here."

The mn looked at each other, and on realisation that she needed privacy, they turned around.

Quick as a flash, Phoebe rolled into the bed and called out the okay. The men turned back to face her, and began to become nervous.

"Mrs. Hannigan," the doctor had quite a depressing tone, "We have some bad news."

Phoebe laughed nervously and faced Mike, "What's going on?"

"Um, Phoebe," he looked down, "We just found out your biological mother died last night."

Phoebe's face sagged. Everything went black.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - Sorry it took so long to update, and thanks for the numerous(-ish) reviews. I'm trying to get in some explainations so that you understand a bit more.**

"Just kneel down on one knee, and ask her!" Rusty nudged him in the back with his elbow.

"I have already done this once, and it was hard enough then!" Chandler bent in pain as the elbow, once more, was forced into his back.

"Well, you'll do it, or not only will I kill ch'u, but I'll kill ch'ur real wife as well…" One last elbow finally persuaded Chandler.

Mary-Angela caught sight of him as he walked out from behind a nearby-by bush.

"Hey, sweet toushy!" Strangely enough, she didn't have a hill-billy accent, but instead had a New Yorker intonation; Chandler had noticed this before, but it only stood out to him now.

"Um," Not knowing where to start, he knelt down and produced what looked like a diamond shaped like a grain of sand, "Will you marry me?"

Shocked, Mary-Angela croaked out, "I would, but my brother has to approve it first."

Sighing with relief, Chandler started to banter, "And what's his name?"

"Joey." As she walked off carrying weeds, Chandler's jaw dropped.

"And your last name?" Mary-Angela turned around, one eyebrow raised at this unusual question that Chandler had produced.

"Tribbiani."

Chandler literally jumped for joy.

"Why… do ya' know him?" she queried.

Realising what situation this would put him in, Chandler quickly relaxed all the muscles in his body and stated, "No."

* * *

'Small things make a big difference.' The phrase rang through Phoebe's head, and she knew it would always stick there. It was the last words her mother had said. 

A cry about the room made here head swell with questions. Where was she? Since collapsing on the floor she had no recolection of anything. What had happened to the baby?

The baby! Where was it?

Phoebe groaned, and immediately found a strong hand gripping her own. Opening an eye to reassure herself, she saw Mike, and smiled.

"What happened?" a completely unoriginal reaction when somebody doesn't actually know what happened.

"You passed out after hearing your mother died and the doctors took you immediately to have a cesarean." After the quick explanation, he allowed his eyes to wander over to the crib on Phoebe's left.

She gasped. She was a mother, and she'd missed it. Not surprisingly, jealousy took over orignally, but on learning Mike wasn't there either, she nodded and enjoyed it as Mike carried baby Luka over.

He smirked slighlty, getting Phoebe intriegued, "What is it?"

There was a little surprise. After Phoebe safely held Luka, Mike wandered round to the other side of the bed and Phoebe almost dropped Luka.

* * *

Ross sat Ben down in the middle of the giant sofa so that the cushions surrounded him. It was almost laughable.He literally was turning into Ross. Granted, he was a few years premature, but it was still leading to the same thing: Divorce. 

"Son, you and I need to have a little chat." Not knowing where to start, he thought for a moment, then continued, "What really happened?"

"Well, Sandy 'Giggles', known for her random fits of giggles, had a boyfriend, and when they broke up..." he paused, then quickly added in, "Complete immunity?"

Ross nodded, but had to seriously consider what his son said next. You know you're getting old when your son says things like 'don't do that, dad, you're embarrassing me', or 'I've got a girlfriend', but this was something completely new.

"...well, when they broke up, her ex-boyfriend, Tony, said she let him go to second base. I kinda wanted to know what that felt like." Ben looked down as his father's eyes widened. "All it was... I only kissed her a couple times, but she wasn't as slutty as Tony made out."

Ross stood up and started wandering around, clicking his fingers nervously.

"You're too young for this, I mean, I have a son of... um ,thirteen..." Before he carry on, Ben interrupted.

"Um, Dad, I'm fifteen." Ben looked at his father anxiously.

"Fifteen?!" Ross looked at the ceiling, and muttered, "God, I'm gettin' old!"

Ben nodded, then added, "And I'm sixteen next week. Driving."

Ross almost collapsed. His son acted twelve, and even pretended to be shocked when he swore! How could he be driving next week? Every day, he asked himself if he'd wasted his life with dinosaurs and 'We were on a break' arguments. Maybe he had.

As soon as that thought entered his head, his seven year old rushed in, dragging along a doll.

"Daa-ddy?"

Thanking her silently for saving him from the awkward situation, he answered. "Yes?"

"I heard you talkin'..." She smile innocently, "What's second base?"

* * *

The man kneeling down in front of her was all she ever wanted. He was sweet, funny, and amzing in bed. The relationship they'd developed over the last month was fantastic, and it was like they wer already married. But was this happening too fast? 

"Um..." Kayte repeated for the third time.

She was near tears.

"If you want to say it's happening too fast, just get it out. I can't wait anymore!" Joey's eyes begged for her to say yes.

She looked down, and he was certain of the answer.

"Yes."

Shocked, he blinked, waiting for her to confirm what she had just said.

"Yes," she repeated, as though reading his thoughts.

"I..." Joey shivered, "I... I'm..."

"...engaged." It was scaring both of them; not only did they know each other's thoughts, but they were finishing each other's sentences.

A scream emitted from the doorway as Monica saw Joey placing the ring on Kayte's finger.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." She spoke so fast and so high-pitched that Joey and Kayte could barely make out her words. Repeating it several times was Monica's way of helping them understand.

"You..." She pointed at Joey. "... and you..." She pointed at Kayte.

"Mon?"

Blinking back tears, Monica broke down into a wailing heap on the floor.

"Chandler would say that you were all grown up!" She swayed back and forth, and the newly engaged didn't quite know what to do. "I'm sorry. I should feel happy for you."

"It's okay Monica," Kayte walked over to her and placed a sparkling hand on her back, "I only hope that Joey and I love each other as much as you and Chandler did."

Joey, who knew not to say that Chandler was still alive after the bump he got on his froehead the last time, smiled. His life was perfect.

**Hey, y'all, what s'up? Can't wait to read the tons of fan-mail I'll get after this chapter! - signed _Delusional Yetti_**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - This is getting exciting!**

Rachel pulled the duvet around her ears, willing the alarm to simply stop and allow her one more day of sleep. An annoyed elbow nudged her in the ribs, and she remembered the previous night.

Of course, it was nothing exciting. Ross came over; they talked for a bit; made out; he apologised for the 'we were on a break' thing; she cried; they made out. It continued all night. No wonder she was still exhausted.

Despite the bony elbow in her side, Rachel still refused to move. Once he realised this, Ross leant over her and slammed down on the clock several times, until it let out its last little whimper. He lay back down; this time with Rachel huddled up next to him.

"I love you." Rachel's voice was muffled by the cover, but the message came across the same.

At any previous time, Ross would have jumped out of bed in a panic, possibly fallen over a bra, and kicked up a fuss about it being too soon. But this was Rachel.

He simply stated, "Marry me."

Rachel smiled. Although it was a joke – hopefully – she knew how much she meant to him, and agreed with a groan and a stretch.

"Right, get out of bed." Ross pushed her so that she had no option but to roll off onto a pile of last night's clothes.

On recovering from this, she grabbed the covers and pulled them back to allow the cold air to get to Ross' naked body. "And you!"

After a childish game of tickling and throwing pillows that ended with a broken vase, they quickly got dressed and left the safety of the bedroom.

"OK. We have to sort out Frankie and Georgia." Ross ruined the moment.

Rachel hadn't let a single thought about her boyfriend cross her mind since Ross entered her apartment. Thinking about made her feel guilty, so she jumped on Ross while he was on the sofa and giggled out an objection.

"No, we have to talk about this," he continued, "I am meant to see her at lunch, so I can tell her then. When are you seeing Frankie?"

Suddenly, Rachel remembered her rushed plans, only in time to tell Ross before the knock on the door.

Awkwardly, she opened the door to the only perfect boyfriend she had ever had and dumped him for a cheating ex.

* * *

As Chandler rocked back and forth on the squeaky chair (supposedly with anxiety, but it was actually to annoy Rusty), he spotted a shadow cross the window in the door. About twenty people had done this, or one person several times, but every time Chandler froze, desperately wishing that this one would be Joey. 

It was his last chance.

* * *

The phone call at four in the morning could mean one of three things: 1. an emergency involving friends or family, 2. somebody frantically searching for a Chinese takeaway or 3. one of his sisters wanted to get married. Granted, he did add the third one to his list after this particular call, but it was sure to happen again with the number of sisters Joey had. 

He grumbled as a feminine voice screeched down the receiver- almost deafening him -that she wanted to get married. At first he thought it was a crazed fan, but soon discovered that he would have to take a four hour drive to approve some dork for Mary-Angela.

What a life.

* * *

Chandler almost wet himself when the door first opened, but once he saw it wasn't anyone he knew, he sighed. It was a man that would have come up to Chandler's shoulder, and wasn't imposing any threat at the time. He had bright red hair and a monobrow, meaning a snort of laughter came from Rusty. To be honest, Chandler couldn't see the difference between the two until the new, short man took off his hair. 

"Nice wig, Jazz! Where did you get it, a fox's tail?!" At this, Rusty was the one who nearly wet himself this time, and he ended up rolling around in the fits of the giggles.

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Chandler was surprised to see that 'Jazz' didn't have any tone in his voice. "Very funny."

It almost killed Chandler to see someone who couldn't pull off the simplest sarcastic comment, but by biting his lip he managed to control his angered sense of humour.

So far, the man the Rusty had called Jazz hadn't acknowledged Chandler, and he was hoping it would stay that way.

"This the guy?" Too late, he'd been noticed.

"Y'up. Proposed 'n' everything... and he's already married!" That set the pair off into hysterics.

"What's his name? I met this lovely girl who claimed to have been widowed when a car crash killed her husband..." he turned to Chandler, "Her name was Monica."

Rage brought forward a spur of shouts from Chandler, "You dare touch her I'll kill you with my bare hands!"

Jazz nodded towards the chair Chandler was sitting on, "With your hands tied behind your back? That would be impressive. I'd like to see that."

Rusty was now hiding in the shadows of the corner of the blank room, standing well out of the way. Jazz must have been his boss, or something, because before he came in Rusty had been all over Chandler; pushing his chair in circles, slapping him across the face, and evenbiting him. He was kinda weird, but that was the least of Chandler's worries. As Jazz pulled out a long, slim gun, Chandler swalloed his anger and hoped that shutting up would keep him out of danger.

"Say one word that gives away what's happening, this _will_ be shoved down your throat. Am I making myself clear?" Jazz had a facial expressin that showed no emotion. That made him all the more scary.

Chandler nodded in agreement. He knew that in any other situation he'd be panicing, but because he knew Joey was coming, he figured he wouldn't need to say anything. Then again, it was Joey.

* * *

Yawning, he pulled into the sandy drive at about half past nine. After the early phone call, Joey had tried and failed to go back to sleep, but wasn't able. He figured he'd be able to get back to New York by about four-ish if he left at the apartment at five, so he borrowed Monica's old Porsche and headed off. 

The place he arrived at was nothing like he'd imagined. It was nothing more than a dirty, sandy plain with a boarded up farm house that looked abandoned and a barely-in-use barn. To one side of the barn, in the shade, there was a reasonably fertile patch where some flowers and vegetables were growing, and in the midst of this shrubery was his sister.

He hadn't seen her for over a year, and he was shocked to see how muscley she'd gotten. All the tending to the farm must have left a good impression on her. Despite this, she was still the most feminine of the Tribbianis, and had a slim figure. Once she caught sight of the car, Mary-Angela ran forward to greet Joey, almost getting run over in the process.

"Joey!" She wrapped herself around his neck and pulled her legs up so he could spin her round.

Huffing from the extra muscle weight she'd gained, he replied, "Mar-Angela... you've grown! That's not often said when you're twenty seven! Look at those muscles!"

"I can't believe you're here! And, I'm getting married!" After revealing her true feelings for the first time in weeks, she let out a great whoop and ran off towards the house, signalling for Joey to follow.

"Hey," he called after her, "Only if I approve him!"

* * *

All this conversation could be hear from inside the sweaty room that Chandler was being held in. Once the sound of car tyres could be heard, Jazz and Rusty left the room to greet their guest. It had gone quiet, and Chandler was still rocking back and forth on the squeaky chair, only this time it _was_ because of anxiety. 

A quick shuffling of keys at the door, and Rusty came in to untie him.

"No funny business, remember." He motioned to the window, "We'll be watching you."

He rushed out, and momnent later Chandler heard Jazz saying, "He's right through there. Come out with the verdict when you're ready."

It was time.

**Cor, I bet your getting annoyed at how long I'm dragging this out! That is called good righting. Eh. Eh.**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - Yet another fabulous chapter... please?**

Rachel giggled through the glass. It was really funny watching Ross break up with someone, because he normally tries to turn it round so that it's not so violent. Georgia had been a lovely girl, with sweet bouncy curls and innocent eyes. Once Ross entered the room and told her that they should see other people, she completely changed.

Anything at arms length from her was broken or on their way to hit Ross around the head. She literally snarled and bared her teeth, and swore endlessly.

Rachel could only just make out a few words, including what sounded like, "ship," "chuck you," and "I hate your flooding guts."

Georgia looked over to the door through which Rachel was peeking, and caught sight of her. She pointed at the door and shouted, "Are you chucking her?", then stormed over.

Just in time, Rachel lunged herself backwards to avoid having a black eye. Georgia threw another punch, and this one met its target on the side of the head.

Rachel gasped, "You cow!"

Immediately, Ross was out of the room, egging Rachel on. "Go on, sweetie, you can take her."

Tears welled in Georgia's eyes, making Rachel fel awful. She was stealing her man, and now she was going to beat the living daylights out of her. Well, she thought, better get it over with.

Rachel kicked out with her leg, but before the damage could be done, Georgia moved out of the way and pulled Rachel into a headlock. Eventually, after what felt like a decade, she released Rachel from her grip, and plunged a hand into her hair, ripping a clump of it out. It wasn't much, but it was enough to set Rachel off.

Ross saw the angry side of Rachel only once before when she was fighting a woman for a half off handbag in Paris. This time it was worse. Much worse.

"ARRGH!" Rachel lunged at Georgia, throwing random punches all over the place, until she was knocked to the ground after a blow to the nose.

"Get back up!" Rachel's facial expression quickly changed to worry when she didn't move. "Oh, crap, I've killed her."

Ross walked over to her , and grasped her hand. Suddenly, Georgia groaned.

"Oh, shit, run!"

* * *

"There's another baby!" Phoebe exclaimed the obvious. 

"Well..." Mike smiled, "There's more."

As he said this, an old woman came in carrying another baby.

"Triplets!" Once again, all she could state was the most obvious things.

She kept on looking from baby to baby, not knowing whether to collapse in shock or jump for joy. Mike walked over to the woman, and took the baby.

Phoebe glanced atthis woman and still couldn't believe her eyes. "Mom..."

Mike look over at her, "Oh, yeah, you weren't there. It turns out, after all that, it wasn't your mom dead, but some other woman. She stole her handbag then died in an explosion."

Phoebe started to cry, a rare, but not so beautiful sight. Mike placed each of the babies on her lap; Luka, Kayleigh and Henry. The last time she had three babies on her lap, she had to give them up. She could keep these ones.

* * *

A knock erupted from the door. For the last two minutes, everything had happened in slow motion in Chandler's eyes. From spilling water down his chin, to this very knock, his body was so excited, he decided he needed to calm down. 

"Come in." Chandler had been prepped on what to say, and figured he might as well follow it up to seeing Joey.

From this moment, everything slowed down even further. The handle edged downwards to open the door, and once it had, a strong hand wrapped around the side and pushed it open. Once the gap was big enough, one leg barged through, then, finally, a familiar face.

* * *

"Right this way, Joey. He's in there." 

Joey had at first been quite frightened by the man in the room, and was shocked to here he wasn't very strong or tough. Apparently, he had begged to marry Mary-Angela, and was quite keen on her. But, Mary-Angela didn't believe in pre-marital sex, so Joey was pleased to hear they hadn't...

Mary-Anglea was staying at their dad's mistresses' brother's ranch, and Joey wasn't at all surprised to discover she had gotten engaged. Their 'Uncle' didn't want her there, and was planning to marry her off as soon as possible, so that she could move away. That was the main reason Joey had to meet the guy first; to make sure he wasn't some scum off the side of the road.

He pushed open the door, and almost fainted.

There stood Chandler, smiling.

* * *

"Hey." Chandler grinned, revealing an obviously chipped tooth, adding to a black eye and many bruises. "Where ya' been?" 

"You're alive! I... I knew it..." Joey caught Chandler's eyes, and he signalled to the window.

There was a tube in the middle of the gap that had been opened where, Joey pressumed, his 'Uncle' and 'Cousin' were listening.

"It's really hot in here... I think I'll close the window," Joey lied.

Chandler rolled his eyes, and once the window was safely closed, he jumped up to hug his friend.

"Thank God! I thought you'd never come!" Chandler pulled back from the hug in pain.

He was hit repeatedly during his stay, and was certain he had a broken rib.

Joey, noticing, but seeing Chandler's happy expression, said, "You're engaged to my sister? What about Monica?"

"They forced me to do it, no offence, but... how is Monica? I heard you thought I was dead."

"Well, _I_ didn't think you were dead, though I must admit, I was having my doubts. Monica's distraught. So's the rest." Joey frowned, "They said they found a mangled up body...?"

Chandler looked down, "It was my brother. I'd only just found out about him, and I was gonna take him down to meet Monica. It was supposed to be a surprise."

"Some surprise." Joey looked away, knowing what would come next would hurt Chandler the most.

"What?"

"They took away the twins."

"What?! They can't do that! What did Monica say?"

"She tried to stop them, but they thought they'd let her grieve for a bit. Don't worry; you can get them back."

Chandler sighed. "That must have killed Monica... Well, what about you?"

"Later. Right now, I need to get you and Mary-Angela out of here."

* * *

"So basically, you can use both roses and carantions, for instance, because they have the same type of head!" Monica was explaining the marriage basics to Kayte, who was just as excited as Monica was when she became engaged. 

"Cool... will you help me plan my wedding? It would be so... cool!" Kayte said this, then remembered that Chandler had only just died, so quickly added, "If you feel like it?"

Monica nodded. "Sure. It would certainly give me something to do, what without the twins to look after, and no job."

"What? You left your job?" Kayte interrupted.

"No," Monica bit her lip, "They fired me."

"Why?.. What did you do?" Kayte looked sad. Poor Monica, she thought.

"I kinda threw spagetti at one of the customers... while it was still in the boiling water..." Monica grinned sheepishly, "But at least I got free time!"

Kayte smiled. At least Monica still had a sense of humour.

Monica sat thinking for a minute, then went across to the kitchen. She went into one of the cupboards and pulled out a thick folder, pouring with scraps of paper and post-it notes.

"This is my wedding book. It has all the information you need for the perfect wedding." She paused, unsure of what to do next, then sat down next to her and opened it up. "So, where d'yu wanna have the wedding?"


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - The last chapter. Sob. I feel sad!**

Life was going okay for Phoebe Buffay. She had a great husbang, three brand new babies, and had just discovered her mother wasn't dead. Everything was going ok, that is, until Joey Tribbiani called her.

It was 9:30am, and she had a lot of time with _her_ triplets to catch up on. He said something even more unexpected than evrything that had happened in the previous two days.

"Chandler's alive." It could have been enough to send her into shock, if it hadn't been for the events before preparing her system.

"What?!" Phoebe speaking woke up Mike. "Put him on the phone."

Some shuffling came through the speaker as the phone was passed from Joey to Chandler, and her face lit up when his voice warmed her ear.

"Hey, Pheobs! We need your help."

After quickly explaining what had happened and where he'd been, she listened intently as Chandler asked her to help. With Mike constantly hanging over her shoulder to hear, it was getting difficult to concentrate, so she put it onto speaker phone and picked up one of the babies - she didn't care which one - for comfort. It gurgled in her arms, and Chandler picked up on the sound.

"You've had your baby! Wow!" Phoebe could practically see his grin reaching through the phone.

"Actually..." She motioned to Mike to continue.

"Well, we didn't have _one _baby..." he answered, not even trying to hide his joy.

Chandler gasped. "You had twins?"

"Actually..." Phoebe giggled.

"What? Triplets? You lucky little piece of work - I'd swear but it would actually affect three little people's ears - two pregnancies and six babies!" Chandler congratulated her, then got back to the subject at hand. "Ok. I'll pass you over to Joey, 'cause I don't know where we are. He drove here in Monica's porsche."

Another lot of scuffling came through the phone, and Joey's voice was back. He repeated the directions he'd learnt, naming alot of trees that looked like animals and bar names that made him laugh. Typical Joey; he never remembers anything anyone may find normal, but they are strangely useful.

"Right." This time Mike was talking to Chandler, "What do you want us to do?"

"Call the police and tell them to be here to arrest them. Hopefully we'll have left by then, and be safely away."

"Why didn't you call them? It would have been faster than phoning us..."

Chandler groaned, "Hey, I thought that too, but it was Joey's idea, and once you were on the line I didn't want to be rude."

Phoebe laughed, "What a kind gesture! I'll be sure to keep that in mind the next time I'm being kept hostage."

* * *

Monica awoke suddenly as though she'd just had a bad dream. To be honest, she couldn't remember what it was about, but she knew it would be about Chandler. It was always about Chandler. 

It was 5am and there was no chance she was going to get out of bed, especially with the state she was in. Her hair was tangled dreadfully, her mouth had saliva caked around it and her eyes were drowned in either tears or some form of goo; either way it didn't look good.

At 6am, she was raring to go. Since Chandler had died, she'd gone for a morning jog most days to ware of the looming depression, otherwise it would probably end up drowning in sorrow... literally.

Ironically, the phone call that would break the misery that forced her on the run each morning came just after she left. Ironic, that is, in a deadly way.

"Ok," Chandler stated. "We have to get out of here, so... you got a plan?"

"Firstly, we gotta get Mary-Angela in here so that she can come with us." He paused, wondering what to do.

Chandler rolled his eyes, then yelled, "Mary-Angela, can you come in here?"

Joey got impatient and pulled open the door, so that she fell through. Clearly, she'd been earwigging.

He smiled, "Hey, sis. Let me fill you in." And he did.

Mary-Angela sighed. She knew it was too good to be true. "So, how we gonna get out?"

Chandler sensed her disappointment, and put an arm around her. "We're gonna sneak, basically. If we can get out of here to the car, we should be fine!"

She nodded.

* * *

Joey peered around the door. There was nobody in the hall outside it, but he could hear somebody coming. Closing the door, he pressed his ear up to the wood. 

"Aaaand... there gone." He re-opened the door, then signalled quiet and follow to the other two.

They slowly edged their way to the front door, occasionally ducking behind something to avoid being spotted. They reached the car. This was too easy.

Driving off, they found themselves cheering. They were free! They were saf...

The gate at the end of the driveway was locked. How were they gonna get through.

Chandler, who was driving, hit the brakes and screamed, "What the hell?!"

Joey turned around to check the ranch house, about a 1/4 mile back, only to see the hill-billy family running down the dirt track.

"They're coming!" He announceed, setting Mary-Anglea off in a frantic panic on the back seat.

Chandler honked the horn despeately, shouting, "How the hell are we gonna get out of here?"

Joey, under all the screaming, could barely be heard, yet he was giving the best advice. Finally, he just followed through on his plan and slammed on the accelorator.

They barged through the fence and were on there way. They were free. They were safe.

**Wait for the epilouge to sum up the story. Sorry about how short this chapter was. Feel free to review and yell at me...**


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Chandler had been standing outside the door to his apartment for ten minutes. Without his key it seemed to take all too long for Monica to return. After Phoebe had filled him in on her state, so that he knew about her morning jog, she took him over to wait.

Apparently, she should be there in five minutes.

He didn't know what to say. She'd thought he was dead for two months, and now he was back; how would she react to that?

"Joe?" He called across to Joey, who still lived across the hall.

Ever since the company that Chandler first worked at went bankrupt, they had to rent out their house in the suburbs, and move back in here.

"Yup…" He opened the door all too soon, as though he'd been watching him.

"I think Monica might not believe it when she sees me, so could I stay at yours until she gets back, then let her know gently?" He stood up, waiting for an answer.

"Sure." Joey nodded.

Chandler heard footsteps coming from the stairwell, and he rushed into the apartment. They quickly closed the door and waited while Monica ran into their apartment. A few moments were all Chandler could take before rushing over.

He reached up a hand to knock, and breathed deeply, pondering over what to say.

Monica opened the door.

She felt tears well in her eyes, and spluttered out a question, "Did you bring back the milk?"

Then, as soon as she'd said this collapsed to the ground. Chandler took a deep breath, then carried her to the bedroom, before laying her down on the bed.

* * *

_Two months later._

Joey placed the ring delicately on her finger. Kayte was glowing with happiness, her cheeks eluminated with pride. Her whole family had showed up, as had Joey's, and they were finally getting married, with Chandler, whom Kayte had never met before finding out he wasn't dead.

"You may kiss the bride." Chandler nudged Joey as he lent in.

Annoyed, he turned to him, "What?!"

"I was just gonna say you've got a bit of spit just..." he wiped it off with his thumb, "... there. Carry on, big fella."

Joey wiped his face quickly and kissed Kayte passionately. Monica and Chandler; Phoebe and Mike; Rachel and Ross (again); Him and Kayte. They all had 'the one'!


End file.
